Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
