You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
