Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize