worst night to have a conscience
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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