Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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