My friends, they love my intelligence
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just gift wrapped bread.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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