if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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