gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
