this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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