My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
