I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
