Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize