why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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