Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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