my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
