bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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