Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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