She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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