I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize