a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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