I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
