What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
