oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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