Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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