The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
