He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize