Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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