I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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