never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize