you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
