how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
