She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize