He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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