can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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