i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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