I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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