everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize