I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
