I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
