It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize