last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
thus making me awesome and them whores
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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