her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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