i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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