Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
