smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
