Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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