OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
