I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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