discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
