Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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