Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
