this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize