I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize