No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
