this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
