I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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