I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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