i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
