Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
