Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
