I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
