Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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