True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
