he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
