Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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