Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
