i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
