don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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