Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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