I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
