my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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