we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You pole danced in your parka.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
