i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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