How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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