well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
