Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
