I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize