I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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