I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
