My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
